If you’re worried about couples counseling, consider the alternative: a broken relationship. What could it hurt, right? If you’re like many individuals seeking this type of help, you may worry that your counselor will judge you, take sides or put all the blame for the failing relationship on you. Fortunately, a quality therapist will help you work through your problems, rather than take sides and aggravate the problem.
Working Through the Problems
No doubt there will be a lot of garbage pulled out of the bag when you start talking to a couples counselor. You will have information to share, your partner will have information to share, and it could get ugly. Your counselor typically won’t look at all the problems and start handing them to the party they rightfully belong to. Instead, the problems will be worked on collectively, and not even by the therapist. With proper tools, the therapist will help you and your partner work through your issues, one by one, until you’ve figured out how to successfully do it without professional help. This might take months or even years, but two people who want a relationship to work will generally put in the time.
While it may not exactly be considered “taking sides,” there are some times when your counselor may help you or your partner realize you are to blame for a particular situation so you can take responsibility and fix it. For example, a husband who is addicted to alcohol and regularly loses his job because of it should be assisted in realizing his addiction could be causing their financial struggles. The therapist might not point at him and exclaim, “This is your fault!” but would instead encourage him to answer some questions that would lead him to the realization himself.
Similarly, a wife who gets involved in an extramarital affair should understand her actions may have caused her husband to emotionally pull away from her. Again, the therapist may not say, “It’s your fault for having an affair!” Instead, walking through a verbal timeline of events could help the wife realize her husband started to pull away after he learned of the affair.
Contacting a Couples Counselor
If your relationship is in trouble, but you’re worried a counselor will put blame on you for the situation, understand that therapists are tools to help you get through some of the toughest situations you’ll go through. They want what’s best for both of you and will work to help you overcome the challenges your relationship faces. Contact a couples counselor today for help.